It would be interesting if someone wrote their definition describing “love” when they were eighteen and put it in a time capsule. Then, they repeated the process one week before they got married without seeing what they had written at eighteen. Again, five years later, another version was created to store away. Additional versions were written at twenty-five and forty years without opening the other versions. Then at that point, open all five versions and compare the notes. To see what words were used to describe emotions, feelings, and responsibilities.
Sometimes I get asked if I had a happy marriage. What they are hoping to hear is “Yes” and move on to the next question. A one-word answer never describes any marriage, certainly not one that had 58 years. During that period, a couple will experience almost every emotion known to mankind.
You begin the process with the feelings of enjoying being around them and happy to learn that next new thing about them. You notice how they smell and how they do something, just a little bit different. You start to notice that they like something done a little differently than you are used to, and you make a change, and they notice. Those adjustments bring you closer. You begin sharing feelings about things you never discussed before and may provoke responses that cause a chill in the air. When one person has a problem, the other person is involved even if the other person does not want it. These storms are part of the learning process and how long it takes to get through them is unknown until you get to the other side.
Children put you at another starting point where there is much more to learn and additional levels of emotions. As you begin to learn what it is really like to be a parent, you must adjust your relationship with your mate. They still love you, but you are second in line. Now there are more of those individual problems that as a parent, are yours to manage. You have a choice of regretting them or seeing them as an opportunity to show your love. Either way, they are waiting for you to manage them. Little children grow to become teenagers, and you may experience fear and anger, sometimes in the same day.
I believe the highest stress level a woman experiences is when her daughter is planning her wedding. Been there and wished I could have left the checkbook and taken a job out of town. I am partly kidding, but the hormones do not give a man a fair chance at guessing the right answer. As the family grows, a person’s understanding of what “love” means changes. It is like a modifier that changes the meaning of so many other words. The word “family” says you love each person and the unit. When one of them hurts or worries, you share that.
When you get to the other side of all those life experiences and you miss the one you started with more than you can put in words, that is what I call “True Love”.
Alan Jackson – Good Time – Listen To Your Senses
