Most of you do not know that I have been helping a friend get her Blog up and sharing her thoughts with her friends. Janice Crandall has a Blog “WordsForWidows.com” that focuses on experiences after the loss of a husband that many widows face. One of Janice’s friends shared a message today that I needed to hear. Her message is titled “Someone Has To Grieve” and she made a statement that I felt had been written just for me at this moment. I hope my sharing that message does not get me in trouble.
During the 58 years that Eva and I shared as a family, there were a few times when the subject of one of us dying would come up. Most of those times it was joking around and the subject would get changed quickly – Eva did not like to talk about it. If for some reason I wanted to talk about things I thought she needed to know if something happened to me first, she would break down and say she had to go first. She would tell me that she did not want to live without me. I never could get her to consider any other option, but I just figured that our family would get her through it if it should happen.
After Eva got worse but could still carry on a conversation, she would talk a little about dying and I would respond that I was going first. Then she said, “I don’t want to live without you!” With all of what we had been through together in all of those years, I never got used to that. I never felt worthy of that kind of love, but I know she was only sharing the kind of love that Jesus has for all of us. For the past several days I have been missing her a lot and I have written about that.
Here is a part of what Janice’s friend shared today “As I think about my husband’s death, I find a bit of joy in thinking Dave will never have to experience the loss and pain that I feel. He will never have to reach over at night and find that I’m not there. He will never have to see the tears from our children and grandchildren over a shiny casket ready for burial in a grassy cemetery. So, I bravely journey on in my grief with Jesus right by my side, knowing Jesus knows exactly how I feel.”
I now understand why I am still here to carry on and Eva did not have to experience what she feared the most.
I can do this!
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