When The Hurt Will Not Stop

When my Dad passed away back in 1978, I remember talking to Daddy Jones at my father’s funeral. Daddy Jones is what all of us cousins called my Mom’s father. Trying to hold back tears, he told me that a parent is not supposed to bury a child. It was a son-in-law in that case, but the hurt was the same. He lived to be 97 and he experienced those emotions multiple times. As we get older, we often tell others that God has blessed us in many ways.

Many of us have lived long enough to see our kids become adults, get married, and give us grandkids. Some of us have watched those grandkids become adults and get married. We may have even been blessed to have Great-Grandkids and watch them experience new things.

I have written several times about my feelings as I have adjusted to my new life without Eva and shared many memories that have helped me with that transition. In our case, it was not sudden, and I believe Eva and I had begun the journey many months before. The hurt is still there, and you are never prepared for it. However, death in our later years is a fact of life and we know that.

I have experienced the loss of friends over the years, and some of those were when they were still young. As I have gotten older, I have bible verses that give me a better understanding that we cannot always see the why of their deaths and we may not see how other lives are impacted by their passing.

What I cannot tell you is what the pain is like that Daddy Jones shared with me 46 years ago at my Dad’s funeral. Dad died from lung cancer shortly before he would turn 70, but it was not a surprise. He had been suffering from emphysema for years. When a parent is faced with burying an adult child that still had much of their life ahead of them, that is a feeling I can only guess. All the “what ifs” and the “if only” thoughts that are impossible to get out of your mind.

Parents are “fixers” who know it is their responsibility to care for their children. That responsibility does not just go away when the child is an adult and living their own life. You hurt when they hurt, and you want to fix the problem. When the child is still young you can use your control to apply your solution; however, when they are older you feel helpless.

Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, tell your loved ones you love them every day. Let them know you are there and willing to help if needed.

God never gives up or leaves us. Death does not mean He is through; He is still working even if we do not feel it at the moment. We cannot know everything that is happening or that will happen from this point on. As much as we want or need to understand the “why”, we need to remember that we need to trust God to get us through this storm. The one we grieve has already had his pain replaced with joy.

Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Matthew 5:4
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

John 11:25-26
“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?’”

Romans 8:38-39
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”