Gone Too Soon

I suspect that many of us have said the words “gone too soon” when we lose a loved one. I know I have. However, I do not know if it is true or not. What I do know is that God can use any event to produce a better outcome if we trust Him. The phrase “God works in mysterious ways” may be over-used and under-used depending on our state of mind.

Lately, I have written about my Dad in several blogs and about how my view of him changed over the years. Last night, I realized that I am ten years older than he was when he passed away. My thoughts have always been tied to the idea that I was 35 and he was almost 70 when we lost him. I have written about how his health limited his ability to do some things for most of his last 25 years. While lung cancer took his life, in the end, emphysema had stolen so much of his ability for so many years before.

The real killer was an addiction. Daddy was addicted to smoking cigarettes and it killed him. I am only guessing, but I think he may have started smoking at an early age. During my early years, most men smoked cigarettes, cigars, pipes, or a combination of all three. Smoking was allowed in all places including on airplanes. There were no smoke-free zones except in churches and movie theaters. Anybody at any age could buy tobacco products. A pack of cigarettes cost 25 cents from a vending machine that was located everywhere. People smoking were in movies, on TV, and at live events. Pictures of women smoking were in glamor magazines and advertisements on TV.

There are two components to most addictions. The substance that triggers a change in the body and the habit itself. The habit part is the hardest to overcome. Any habit is hard to break away from. With smoking – right after waking in the morning, while drinking coffee, after any meal, when thinking, while driving, while having discussions, and while resting. The cigarette is retrieved, put in the mouth, and lit without any conscious thought given.

Dad’s lung cancer was discovered because he had passed out while standing and talking to old friends where he grew up. When the hospital was conducting the tests to determine why he passed out, they found blocked arteries leading to his brain and other locations. Other tests revealed cancer in one of his lungs. Surgery could have removed a portion of his lung; however, the emphysema was so bad in both of his lungs that he could not survive. In 1978, lung transplants were rarely done and never when a person had so many conditions that could cause his death while on the table.

The Methodist Hospital did a series of radiation treatments that did reduce the size of cancer that helped for a brief period, but his condition got worse. Dad was finally able to stop smoking about six months before he passed away. When his condition made him so weak, he was admitted to the Heights Hospital. Some doctors there talked him into trying chemotherapy treatments that they could do there, and they would not have to travel to the Med-Center.

After they started the treatments, Dad started losing his hair and was suffering from painful side effects that caused him to be more depressed. Dad and I had several difficult discussions during that period, but they were the most open, heart-to-heart discussions we had ever had. Dad knew he was not going to get any better, but he told me that if he knew he was not going to get any better, he would go back to smoking. My response was that he had finally won the battle and he could not give in at that point. A decision was made to stop the treatments after the doctors admitted that they had never seen a cure with those treatments for the type of cancer Dad had.

Days later, he would be gone. My older sister, Joyce, had stayed through the night on Thursday and my brother, Maurice, had stayed through the night on Friday, and my turn would be Saturday night. Mother was there every day during the days and Jo Ann was there as many days as much as possible. My time with him was in the evenings after work. He would pass away just minutes after Mother and Maurice went down to eat something. My guess is that he wanted to be alone.

Dad left us in late July, and he would have been 70 in November, so for us, he was gone too soon. During his last several weeks, I had prayed many times trying to understand why Dad was having to suffer so much. I could not believe it was for punishment, there had to be another purpose. In my mind, I decided that God was allowing Dad’s suffering so that Joyce, Maurice, and Charlotte could see it firsthand, and they would quit smoking. “God works in mysterious ways.” I was disappointed when none of them quit smoking and confused again, what was the purpose of his suffering?

Many years later, while attending one of our Jones Family Christmas meals, my cousin, Bobbie, said that she had quit smoking after seeing Dad in the hospital in his last few days. I had never considered that God’s view was much larger than my view. Perhaps, others in Bobbie’s family never smoked due to the image she saw that day.

As family members, we are never ready to lose someone we love. However, God’s word is clear that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. We should live today as if we could be gone tomorrow. Our last words should be words we would not wish we could take back. We should say today what we would wish we had said yesterday. Some things we do in life influence the number of years we have on Earth, but we do not understand the big picture that God created and controls. Make the most of what you have been given and be thankful for God’s Grace.