If you do a search on “make better,” you will see a list of synonyms. These words can help describe how modifications can lead to improvements. I am not a cook, but adding a little salt makes food taste better.
If I wrote my life story, it would cover many events from my 82 years. Even a summary would need key points to capture my experiences. I am no different from any other person in that regard.
I attended funerals of close friends that made me realize that those closest to us do not see us as our entire life. They remember recent struggles, illnesses, and declining abilities. They can recall some significant moments from your life, but only briefly and without much detail.
In other blogs, I have written about dark periods in my life and beliefs I held in my youth, as an effort to say to those younger people that life is not always easy or predictable. The message is “It is not nearly as important where you find yourself as it is what you choose to do about it.” The next message is “You are the person who has the greatest control over where you go from there.” The best advice is, if you are lucky enough to have someone in your life who loves you enough to try to help you become a better person, then listen. Not just their words, but their actions.
Being the third child of four, my older sister, Joyce, has told others that I was a brat as a child, and it is certainly possible that I earned that title. My older brother, Maurice, probably saw me as a pest because I was seven years younger. My younger sister, JoAnn, is still alive so she can still describe me in her own words. Outside of the family, I never got into any trouble at school or otherwise. Our parents were “blue collar”, conservative, and Baptist. The rules were clear, and explaining them twice was never ideal.
In school, students followed clearly defined rules and expectations. By contemporary standards, the 1950s would be characterized as a particularly tranquil period. During that period, teenagers spent time together and formed lasting friendships. Smoking was allowed almost everywhere at the time, but on campus, there were strict rules against smoking, drugs, drinking, foul language, and fighting. Upon high school graduation, each student had decided to either go to college, a trade school, or get a job in a field they hoped to make a career in.
I have written in detail about my relationship with Eva in the early years and how that relationship changed over a short period.
So, what does all of this have to do with “make better”? Just stay with me as I try to explain the process. My married life was fifty-eight years, but I am not going to write about all of them. When we married in 1964, I considered myself a good person, albeit not perfect. The same could be said for Eva, though she may have been better than me. I was “important” to me; I had good skills and abilities. Many things came a little easier for me, and that can grow an ego. Humbling experiences are what usually keep the ego in check, and in the absence of those, problems can develop.
In August 1963, if anyone had suggested that I would marry Eva Allen, I would have laughed and said, You are out of your mind. I had known her since the third grade, and I thought of her as a friend, but mostly someone I went to school with. When I asked her for that first date, I had no expectation about a second date. Our conversations led to that second date and others that followed. In my view, there was no immediate emotional connection or overwhelming feelings upon the first kiss. I was comfortable with her and did not feel required to sweep her off her feet.
Within a brief period, I knew our relationship was different. As I started thinking about where our relationship was going, I did not pray about her, and God did not tell me to marry her. Later in life, I began to understand that we should not take full credit for the things we accomplish in life. I realized that God does not do things the way we think He does or should. It is clear to me that our marriage has been blessed from its inception. We just need to understand that problems and hurdles are part of the blessings.
I am a type “A” person, always taking on projects and setting high goals. An unfinished project can drive me to the edge. That can create problems for others around me. Eva’s characteristics were caring, helpful, talented, and supportive. Her love for God probably made all those better and more focused. Eva never (or rarely) insisted on her way on any issue. Her support often offers me a new perspective on handling issues. Sometimes, just being there as a sounding board.
Seldom did Eva ever tell me how to handle something, but many times I chose a better option after our talks. Over the years, just seeing what she was willing to do for others and what was most important to her made me want to be a better person and to see things the way she saw them. She never presented a list of rules, but I developed my own list that would help me be a person worthy of the love she freely gave.
My relationship with God started to grow the day we got married, but more in a passive mode. My career was my priority for the first fourteen years of our marriage, due in part to my success. I had made changes in my life, but it took what I will call my “Job” experience for real change. I am referring to Job in the Bible when he loses everything, and he still trusts God. My situation was not as bad, but bad enough that I had just my immediate family, my church family, and an unknown future.
My priorities and what I valued the most changed quickly. I learned to “trust” that the sun would come up tomorrow, even if I could not make that happen. I learned to listen to others while I still did not know my next move. I realized that life’s challenges can serve as humbling experiences, even for me. I learned to seek God’s will and not to tell Him what I wanted.
After that, I worked in IT in multiple industries for more than thirty years. I had several management positions, and with a lot of success. My goal was always to provide the best solution and to do it at a reasonable cost. My focus differed because I viewed the other project members differently. It did not matter if it was my staff, supervisor, or the client. It was important to be understanding, fair, and honest.
23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24 New International Version
During the happiest periods and even the saddest periods, I had Eva and God there to make every event better. Sometimes I only had to look at her face or feel her cheek on mine. More than once, I have wondered how my life would have been different without her. Eva did not just make my life better; she made me better. I think in ways our relationship also made her a better person.
The past three years have been difficult for me. I have not changed much in the house, and everywhere I look there are memories of our life together. Sometimes I feel sad and empty inside, but often, I am grateful for the blessings we shared. I write these blogs to capture my feelings on issues to provide a glimpse of a lifetime relationship we shared that cannot be described with bullet points on a piece of paper.
It would have been fine with me if I had passed away with Eva or a short time after; however, I know that would have been even harder on the family. Reflecting on our lives can help us recognize blessings that we may have overlooked while experiencing them. It is valuable to share this perspective with others and encourage them to review their own journeys. Unexpected and unwanted events can teach us who we are and help us get to who we want to become. Those stressful periods can make us better people.
6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7 New International Version
George Strait – Love Is Everything
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