Too Little Too Late

Have you ever said something and then later wished you had not done that? I suspect you have, I know I have done that more times than I will admit. Remember when the expensive typewriters had the “whiteout” function, which let you backspace and change the letter to the correct one? That is going to confuse the younger folks reading this. There was a time before smartphones and computers had auto-correct spell checking.

When you reach the twilight years and begin recalling your earlier years, it is not so much the things you said and did that bring on the most regrets. In most cases, over the years, you have done what you could to repair hurt feelings or misunderstandings. What pains me the most is realizing the things I did not do when the opportunity was there. Not so much not helping someone when they have a financial need, but not having that difficult conversation with someone.

We were taught: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything.” When someone needs help but resists it, they do not want advice that makes them change direction. As a parent, when your adult child does not see the problem ahead and you restrict your advice for fear of being shut out. As a grandparent and you want to be that supportive grandparent that they love the most. Or the friend that you never want to offend by bringing up the subject. We all have what I call “missed opportunities”.

We only need to look at the daily news to know the world is a mess. The real problem is that individual lives are involved. When we see thousands of people die in accidents involving someone drinking and driving or thousands dying due to drugs, those individuals are someone’s son or daughter, brother or sister, or husband or wife. When our laws safeguard lifestyles that defy common sense and are upheld by violent actions, we do not speak out.

When we are in elementary school, if we do not get into any trouble and we make passing grades, then we believe we are good kids. If we made it through middle school (junior high) with the same results, we had reason to believe the same. Again, in high school, the challenge was to make passing grades and stay out of trouble. If you are good at a sport, band, or other talent where you gained attention, you became friends with some people you did not know well.

As we start our careers, our focus is on learning and achieving goals in the hope of better positions and more pay. Unless you choose a career in medical, social work, or teaching, helping others with unsolicited advice might not be on your task list. Most of my working years, I was in a supervisory or management position. In the earlier years, it was possible to ask questions and discuss a wide range of topics with your staff. However, this changed with the implementation of new employment laws. Many challenges faced by younger employees in the workplace stem from factors that are outside of their job responsibilities. The federal restrictions designed to protect the employee took away an option for advice from someone they respected enough to ask.

Teenagers and young adults are not always looking to their elders for advice, especially when they are convinced their way will work out best. It is much easier to back away when they do not want your advice; however, hoping they will find their way should not be your escape from involvement. Most often, they will find a way to get help in time. It can be painful when someone digs in and refuses to change course. I used to think that if you fix the financial problems and get them out of the hole they are in, they will listen to learn what got them there. That can be as successful as paying a mole to not dig holes in your yard.

Financial problems are only a symptom of a much bigger problem that requires personal commitment to change, and that may not happen until they hit rock bottom. As my days here on Earth grow fewer, I think more about the “too little, too late” unresolved problems. I must remind myself that God has a perfect schedule and a plan for who will do what in that process. Every day, I trust that God will guide me to any tasks I can assist with.