The term “helper” appears in Genesis 2:18 of the Bible, where it describes what I am referring to as a “mate. The term “spouse” has meant husband or wife throughout my life. My comments are related to those married in a husband/wife relationship involving one male and one female, as defined in the Bible.
18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18 NIV
God had already created the Garden of Eden, the animals, and everything Adam would need, but He knew Adam needed a helpmate. Adam did not need an additional set of hands to do the work; he needed to have someone different from him. God knew Adam needed a female mate, not just to be able to have children, but to have different emotions and other attributes to complete the family unit. Adam and Eve were both created with their own design, both physical and mental, to support each other as one unit.
My views reflect my life experiences and accumulated knowledge. When I was young, the vast majority of those I knew planned to get married, buy a house, and have one or more children. We all had our own list of “must-haves” for choosing our future spouse. Many on the list were “wants” and not much thought about “needs”. I will explain those terms better in the following text.
Appearance, character, and skills are some of the factors that a person may consider when choosing a potential partner. “She likes me the way I am.” “We agree on everything.” “She makes me happy when I am around her.” Could be other things we consider in that process.
Throughout most marriages, individuals are likely to encounter a wide range of emotions as a result of various life events. However, happiness as your emotional state after many years of marriage is not guaranteed. Someone can give you things or do things for you that make you happy, but you cannot buy happiness at any price. In a marriage where only one person does the giving or making changes to make the other person happy, it is a failing relationship. I do not believe a person can feel love for another person without putting skin in the game. You must make changes in your life that make things better for your mate, not just for their benefit, but so you know they are that important to you.
A long and healthy marriage will include both good and difficult periods that provide situations where our changes can help develop a stronger relationship. I define a “perfect mate” as a person I love as much or more at the end as at the beginning. When you realize that both parties paid their way in that thing we call life. Each of us brought ourselves into a relationship to form one, while willing to do whatever was required. Happiness is the contentment, joy, and satisfaction of knowing that God blessed you in that relationship.
The Statler Brothers – In The Beginning
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